You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
