Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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