ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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