Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
