HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
