I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
