somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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