Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
