His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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