This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
