Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize