I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
