I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
