I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
