I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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