I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
