mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize