yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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