i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
