hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
