After last night, I could never be a politician.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
