i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
