At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
