Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize