guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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