i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
