I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
