drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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