Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
