like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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