remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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