My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
