We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
