He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
