I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
