i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
