Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
