i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm both gender and math confused
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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