she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
