threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
