Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I AM VODKA MAN
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize