the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
