She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
babies were throwing up all over the place
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
someone owes me an orgasm
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Randomize
