Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
