pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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