just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
