you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
