My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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