Can i not drive my cunt home
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
