At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
