Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She needs sedatives and a leash
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
