The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
