I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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