my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
