he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
