Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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