the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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