Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
