Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just blew my weed a kiss
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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