i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
