Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
