It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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