I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
